Do you always try your best—or do you feel like you have to be perfect? What’s the difference between perfectionism and high standards? There’s a big difference between having high standards and being a perfectionist. At first, they might look the same. Both can mean working hard and caring about doing well. But the reasons behind them—and how they make you feel—can be very different.
In this post, we’ll look at how high standards and perfectionism are not the same. You’ll also find a quick self-check to help you see which one sounds more like you.
What Are High Standards?
Having high standards means you want to do well and be proud of your work. You care about doing things the right way, and you enjoy learning and growing. People with high standards:
- Try to do their best, not to be perfect
- Feel good about trying, even if things don’t go perfectly
- See mistakes as a chance to learn
- Can let things go when needed
- Feel motivated and hopeful
What Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is more than just working hard. It’s the feeling that anything less than perfect is a failure. Perfectionists often:
- Feel very upset about small mistakes
- Are afraid of being judged
- Feel like nothing they do is ever good enough
- Have trouble finishing things because they’re never “just right”
- Feel stressed, tired, or burned out
- Sometimes give up because doing anything is so overwhelmingly difficult
When Perfectionism Becomes a Mental Health Problem
Trying to be perfect all the time can hurt your mental health. Over time, perfectionism can lead to
- Anxiety – You might feel constantly worried or tense about making mistakes.
- Depression – You may feel hopeless, stuck, or like you’re never good enough, no matter how hard you try.
- Burnout – You could feel exhausted, unmotivated, or emotionally drained.
- Eating disorders – Some people use food or exercise to try to feel more in control or perfect.
- Low self-esteem – You might feel like your worth depends on your success or what others think.
Perfectionism can make it hard to enjoy life or feel proud of what you’ve done—even when you’re doing well. It’s not just about high effort. It’s about constant pressure and fear.
Why the Difference Matters
High standards can help you reach goals and feel proud. Perfectionism, on the other hand, can hurt your confidence and make you anxious. When we aim for perfect all the time, we often feel stuck and unhappy—even when we’re doing well.
Quick Self-Check: Which One Sounds Like You?
Read each pair and choose the one that feels more true for you.
- A) I feel proud when I try hard, even if things aren’t perfect
B) I feel like a failure if I don’t do things exactly right - A) I can laugh at myself when I mess up
B) I feel embarrassed and can’t stop thinking about my mistakes - A) I push myself to grow and learn new things
B) I avoid things if I’m not sure I’ll do them perfectly - A) I set high goals but know it’s okay if I don’t always reach them
B) I’m very hard on myself if I fall short of a goal - A) I feel energized when I work toward something important
B) I often feel drained, even when I succeed
Mostly A’s? You likely have healthy high standards.
Mostly B’s? You might be struggling with perfectionism.
How to Shift from Perfectionism to Healthy Striving
If you see signs of perfectionism in yourself, you’re not alone—and you’re not stuck. Here are some tips to try:
- Talk kindly to yourself. Try speaking to yourself the way you would to a friend.
- Notice all-or-nothing thinking. Watch out for thoughts like “I always mess up” or “It has to be perfect.”
- Practice making small mistakes. Start with low-stakes situations and let “good enough” be okay.
- Celebrate effort, not just results. Progress matters, even if it’s not perfect.
- Ask for support. Talking to a therapist or counselor can help if perfectionism is getting in the way of your life.
Treatment for Perfectionism
If perfectionism is affecting your mood, health, or daily life, you don’t have to face it alone. There are treatments that can help.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps you challenge perfectionist thinking and practice healthier habits.
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Focuses on self-compassion, mindfulness, and handling emotions.
- Radically Open DBT (RO-DBT): Designed for people who struggle with being too controlled or perfectionistic. It helps build flexibility and openness.
- Exposure Therapy: Helps you face the fear of making mistakes in small, safe ways to reduce anxiety.
The Takeaway
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do well. But when the fear of failure takes over, it can turn healthy goals into heavy pressure. High standards come from confidence and care. Perfectionism often comes from fear and self-doubt.
You don’t have to be perfect to be proud of yourself.
And if your perfectionism is harming your mental health, we can help. We have adult and teen IOP programs and regular outpatient programs. Call us at 713-973-2800.