Small talk. Some people love it, some people dread it. But whether you’re at a networking event, waiting for your coffee, meeting someone new, on a date with a potential partner, or making conversation with your partner’s friends, knowing how to chit-chat is a valuable skill. Chit chat is like knocking on the door to be let in, gradually building to more intimacy. You don’t establish intimacy by going in with a battering ram of deep level information about yourself. The good news? Chit chat is not as complicated as it seems.
Start with the Basics
You don’t need a groundbreaking opening line. A simple, “How’s your day going?” or “What brings you here?” works just fine. If you’re in a shared space like a coffee shop, an office, or a party, you already have common ground to build on.
If that feels too generic, try commenting on something around you:
- “This place has the best coffee. Have you been here before?”
- “That’s a great book—what do you think of it so far?”
- “I don’t know about you, but I always end up at the snack table at these events.”
People respond well to observations because it gives them something to react to.
Keep It Light
Small talk isn’t the place for deep debates or personal confessions. Aim for topics that are neutral and easy to expand on. Think:
- Current events (but steer clear of politics unless you know your audience)
- Entertainment (movies, TV shows, books, music)
- Food (everyone has an opinion on pizza toppings)
- Travel (even if they haven’t traveled much, most people have places they’d love to go)
A simple, “Seen any good movies lately?” or “Do you have any fun trips coming up?” can lead to a conversation that flows naturally.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Yes/no questions kill momentum. Instead of, “Did you have a good weekend?” try, “What did you do over the weekend?” Instead of, “Do you like your job?” go with, “What’s your favorite part of your job?” These small shifts encourage people to share more, which makes it easier to keep the conversation going.
Listen More Than You Talk
Good small talk isn’t about having the perfect thing to say—it’s about making the other person feel heard. Nod, react naturally, and ask follow-up questions. If they mention they just got back from a trip, don’t just say, “That’s cool.” Ask, “What was the highlight of your trip?” or “Would you go back?”
Find Common Ground
The best small talk moments happen when you hit on something you both enjoy. Maybe you both love the same TV show, have a shared hobby, or are both trying to survive a brutal summer heatwave. If you find a common thread, follow it. That’s what turns small talk into real conversation.
Know When to Wrap It Up
Not every interaction needs to be long. If the conversation is naturally winding down, exit smoothly:
- “It was great chatting with you! Hope you enjoy the rest of your day.”
- “Nice meeting you—I’ll have to check out that book you mentioned.”
- “I’m going to grab a refill, but I’ll see you around!”
A good ending leaves the door open for future conversations.
The More You Do It, the Easier It Gets
Like anything else, small talk gets better with practice. The more you engage in casual conversations, the more natural it will feel. And who knows? That quick chat about the weather might turn into an interesting connection.