Over Controlled Challenges: Overcoming Perfectionism

One of the characteristics of many OC individuals is perfectionism gone wild. Their need for excellence has grown into a perfectionism monster who can rule their lives. Recovering from perfectionism involves a combination of self-awareness, changing thought patterns and changing behavior. Here are some steps that can help:

1. Name the Issue

Recognize that perfectionism is a problem that can have negative effects on your well-being and productivity. Perfectionism can keep you frozen and unable to take any steps toward your goals or it can drive you to constantly strive, strive, strive so that you are burnt out and exhausted and depressed. Pay attention to when you are experiencing urges for perfectionism. What does that feel like? Learn the signs of your own perfectionistic behavior.

2. Understand the Root Causes

Consider the reasons for your perfectionism. These might include fear of failure, a desire for approval, or high expectations set by yourself or others. Maybe the roots are in your childhood. Were you constantly told how to be better? Were you told to constantly improve?

3. Set Realistic Goals

Instead of aiming for perfection, set achievable and realistic goals. Understand that mistakes are a natural part of learning and growth. Remind yourself that not everything needs to be done at such a high standard–sometimes good enough is good enough. Be wise about how you spend your energy and your time.

4. Challenge Those Perfectionistic Thoughts

Replace irrational beliefs and self-critical thoughts with more balanced and realistic ones. For example, instead of thinking “I must be perfect,” try “Doing my best is good enough.” Instead of “They will think I don’t know what I’m doing,” try “I choose my own goals and how I invest my energy and time.”

5. Focus on the Process, Not Just the Outcome

Shift your focus from the end result to the process of completing a task. Appreciate the effort and learning involved. Maybe even enjoy the learning and progress!

6. Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself when you make mistakes. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer to a friend in a similar situation. Being kind to yourself is good self-care.

7. Set Boundaries

Learn to say no. Don’t take on too much. Understand that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being.

8. Practice Accepting Imperfection

So imperfection is a natural and inevitable part of life. It just is! To be perfect will never be achieved. Celebrate your accomplishments, even if they are not perfect. Sometimes the imperfect is the most beautiful and most admired. Your accomplishments are to be celebrated no matter what.

9. Get perspective from those who know you

Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your struggles with perfectionism. Sometimes, an outside perspective can provide valuable insights and support. Maybe find an Imperfection Buddy who you can turn to when you find yourself caught up in the perfectionism cycle.

10. Gradual Exposure

Gradually expose yourself to situations where you allow imperfections. This might involve taking on tasks with less preparation or accepting help from others. Make mistakes on purpose. Send an email with errors, or misspell a word. Breathe and recognize that it really wasn’t so important to stress out over.

11. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

Practices like mindfulness, meditation, and deep breathing can help reduce anxiety and promote a more relaxed approach to life. When you feel yourself getting anxious over not being perfect, remember to relax your body and let go of the body tension that is part of the cycle of anxiety.

12. Celebrate Small Wins

Acknowledge and celebrate small achievements along the way. Recognize that progress is more important than perfection.

13. Focus on Relationships

Change your focus from striving for accomplishments to focusing on growing relationships. Recognize that pushing others with your perfectionism (criticizing them or “helping” them improve usually doesn’t go well for developing close connections. Cheer yourself on when you just spend time being with others.

14. Give Up Comparing Yourself to Others

Avoid comparing yourself to others, especially on social media. Everyone has their own unique path and struggles.

15. Develop a Growth Mindset

Adopt a mindset that values learning and growth over being perfect. Focus on how challenges can help you improve and develop.

16. Professional Help

If perfectionism is significantly impacting your life, consider seeking help from a mental health professional who can offer tailored strategies and support.