What Does Your Shopping Style Say About Your Personality?

Have you ever walked into a store for just one thing and left with a cart full of items?

Or, on the flip side, have you ever hesitated for weeks before making a purchase, researching every option, only to decide in the end that you don’t need it after all? Believe it or not, your shopping habits can reveal a lot about your emotional health and whether you lean toward overcontrol or undercontrol in how you navigate life.

Understanding Overcontrol and Undercontrol

In psychological terms, overcontrol and undercontrol refer to how tightly we regulate our emotions, behaviors, and impulses. These tendencies are especially relevant in Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO DBT), a treatment developed by Dr. Thomas Lynch for individuals who exhibit excessive self-control (overcontrol). On the other hand, traditional Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, is commonly used for individuals with undercontrol, meaning they struggle with impulsivity and emotional dysregulation.

Both extremes can show up in shopping behaviors, offering clues about underlying emotional patterns.

Shopping as a Reflection of Emotional Regulation

Undercontrolled Shopping Behaviors

If you struggle with undercontrol, you may notice these shopping patterns:

• • • Impulse Buying: You see something, want it, and buy it without much thought. Later, you might feel regret or realize the purchase wasn’t necessary.
      

       

    • Emotional Spending: Shopping becomes a coping mechanism for stress, sadness, or anxiety. Retail therapy can provide a temporary dopamine boost, but it doesn’t address the root emotions.

       

    • Difficulty Sticking to a Budget: Even if you set financial limits, emotions often override rational planning, leading to overspending.

       

    • Shopping for Social Validation: Purchasing trendy items or expensive brands to feel accepted or valued by others rather than because you genuinely need or want them.

These habits align with research on emotional regulation and impulsivity. For example, a study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that people experiencing sadness were more likely to engage in retail therapy because it provided a momentary sense of control and relief (Cryder et al., 2008).

Overcontrolled Shopping Behaviors

On the other end of the spectrum, overcontrol manifests in more rigid or restrictive shopping habits:

• • • Overanalyzing Purchases: You spend excessive time researching, reading reviews, and comparing options to the point that you feel paralyzed by indecision.
      

       

    • Guilt Over Spending: Even when you can afford it, spending money on yourself feels indulgent or irresponsible.
       

    • Rigid Budgeting: You have strict financial rules and may avoid enjoyable purchases, even if they would add value to your life.
        

    • Fear of Waste: You avoid buying things because you worry you won’t use them enough or that they won’t be “worth it.”
       

    • Excessive Fixing or Planning ahead. If it’s not working you buy another one or you buy things that you anticipate needing but rarely do.

Overcontrolled individuals often struggle with perfectionism and high self-criticism. According to Lynch (2018), people with excessive self-control tend to prioritize rules and structure over flexibility, which can lead to avoidance of enjoyable activities, including spending money on themselves.

Finding Balance in Shopping and Emotional Health

Whether you tend to be undercontrolled or overcontrolled, the goal is to cultivate flexibility and mindfulness in your approach to shopping—and by extension, in your emotional life. Here are some strategies to consider:

For Undercontrolled Shoppers:

• • • Pause Before Purchasing: When you feel the urge to buy something, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “Do I really need this, or am I reacting to an emotion?”
      

       

    • Set a Waiting Period: Create a rule that you must wait 24 hours before making non-essential purchases. This helps curb impulsivity.

       

    • Identify Emotional Triggers: Keep track of when you shop impulsively—are you stressed, lonely, or bored? Finding alternative coping strategies, like journaling or physical activity, can help.

       

    • Use a Budgeting App: Apps like YNAB (You Need a Budget) or Mint can help track spending patterns and encourage mindful financial decisions.

       

For Overcontrolled Shoppers:

• • • Challenge Rigid Thinking: Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that will happen if I buy this?” or “Am I depriving myself unnecessarily?”
      

       

    • Give Yourself Permission to Enjoy Purchases: Spending money on things that bring joy (within reason) is part of self-care, not irresponsibility.

       

    • Set a ‘Fun Budget’: Allocate a specific amount of money for non-essential but enjoyable purchases to practice loosening control.

       

    • Embrace Imperfection: Not every purchase has to be the best possible choice. It’s okay to make a decision without exhaustive research.

       

The Bigger Picture: Shopping as a Window into Emotional Patterns

Your relationship with shopping is just one reflection of how you approach emotional regulation in general. If you recognize a pattern of undercontrol, it might also show up in areas like difficulty setting boundaries, reacting impulsively in relationships, or struggling with emotional eating. If you lean overcontrolled, you might notice perfectionism, rigidity in routines, or avoiding vulnerability.

The key takeaway? Shopping habits can be an insightful entry point for self-reflection. By understanding these patterns, you can work toward greater balance—not just in spending, but in all aspects of life.

By tuning into your shopping tendencies, you can gain valuable insights into your emotional world. Next time you find yourself debating a purchase—or filling an online cart without a second thought—pause and ask: What is this moment telling me about my emotional state? That awareness alone is a step toward balance. 

Ready to Take the First Step?

If you’re ready to start your journey toward healing, we’re here to walk with you every step of the way. Let’s work together to help you build the life you want to live.

References

• • • Cryder, C. E., Lerner, J. S., & Gross, J. J. (2008). Misery is not miserly: Sad and self-focused individuals spend more. Journal of Consumer Research, 35(2), 687-698.

    • Lynch, T. R. (2018). Radically open dialectical behavior therapy: Theory and practice for treating overcontrol. New Harbinger Publications.

    • Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. Guilford Press.