There is so much loneliness in the world today. Blame it on the pandemic or technology or something else but loneliness is epidemic. Loneliness is one of the primary issues for perfectionists, people who have built significant wealth, CEO’s and also those who are hardworking and focused on goals. You can be surrounded by people and still be lonely-that’s emotional loneliness. Maybe you’ve tried to make friends as an adult and it just hasn’t worked. Getting out of emotional loneliness can be a mystery and it takes some patience. However, there are ways you can increase intimacy and connection in your life, no romantic relationship necessary.
Here are 3 suggestions that can help you increase intimacy:
1. Show up for others and be mindful of the relationship. Birthdays, holidays, school events, doctor’s appointments, nightly dinners, parties and the like are opportunities to connect. Maybe you hate parties and other events and see such gatherings as a waste of time. It’s not about what you do or accomplish or what the event is or isn’t, it’s about the other person. Being there for that person and giving your time to show you care about them is part of connecting. While you are there, put your phone down. Focus on the person who is with you or with whom you are talking. Be present.
2. Give up being a small talk snob. Bored by small talk? Maybe even feel superior or above it and judge others who engage in useless chit chat? Actually small talk is a gateway for new relationships. It’s a way of testing out who is safe and who isn’t, who you’d like to get to know and who you wouldn’t before you reveal vulnerable information about yourself. Small talk is like dating to find someone you want to commit to. Small talk can lead to more intimate relationships.
3. Self disclose but don’t vomit your emotional insides. If you’re ready to move the relationship a step or two further toward intimacy, then give some information about yourself. You may be used to only asking questions about others and not self-disclosing but self-disclosure is the key to intimacy. In relationships revealing information about yourself is best done in steps, gradually offering more and more intimate information. Talk about your views on current events or share information about vacation challenges before you reveal your deepest fears or most embarrassing moments.If you are lonely and would like to work on emotional intimacy, call us. We can help.
If you’re struggling to increase intimacy and connection your life, reach out to us at Houston DBT Center.
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Trauma can be invasive, impacting your interactions with those you love and interact with. The lingering effects of childhood abuse, the aftermath of a natural disaster, or the scars left by an abusive relationship, trauma can leave lasting imprints that affect how we relate to others. Trauma shapes our reactions and we can often be confused about why we are responding the way we are.
The Impact of Trauma
1. Trust Issues: One of the most common effects of trauma is difficulty trusting others. Whether due to betrayal in past relationships or a sense of vulnerability from past experiences, trauma survivors may struggle to believe in the intentions of others. This can lead to hesitancy in forming new relationships or maintaining existing ones. You may find yourself suspicious of even those closest to you and doubting their loyalty and caring for you.
2. Communication Challenges: Trauma survivors may find it hard to express their emotions or needs clearly, or they may misinterpret the intentions of others. Sometimes they may not be able to identify what they are feeling or needing and push away out of fear when actually they need support.
3. Emotional Regulation: Managing emotions can be particularly challenging for trauma survivors. Intense emotions such as fear, anger, or sadness may surface unexpectedly, leading to conflicts or emotional distancing in relationships. Learning to regulate emotions is key to navigating these challenges.
4. Impact on Intimacy: Some survivors may avoid closeness altogether, fearing vulnerability or repeating past negative experiences. They may be so fearful of betrayal or rejection that they cannot allow closeness. Others may struggle with boundaries or experience difficulties in feeling safe and secure in intimate relationships.
Healing and Growth in Relationships
While trauma can pose significant challenges to relationships, it's important to recognize that healing and growth are possible:
1. Seeking Support: One of the most common effects of trauma is difficulty trusting others. Whether due to betrayal in past relationships or a sense of vulnerability from past experiences, trauma survivors may struggle to believe in the intentions of others. This can lead to hesitancy in forming new relationships or maintaining existing ones. You may find yourself suspicious of even those closest to you and doubting their loyalty and caring for you.
2. Communication Challenges: Trauma survivors may find it hard to express their emotions or needs clearly, or they may misinterpret the intentions of others. Sometimes they may not be able to identify what they are feeling or needing and push away out of fear when actually they need support.
3. Emotional Regulation: Managing emotions can be particularly challenging for trauma survivors. Intense emotions such as fear, anger, or sadness may surface unexpectedly, leading to conflicts or emotional distancing in relationships. Learning to regulate emotions is key to navigating these challenges.
4. Impact on Intimacy: Some survivors may avoid closeness altogether, fearing vulnerability or repeating past negative experiences. They may be so fearful of betrayal or rejection that they cannot allow closeness. Others may struggle with boundaries or experience difficulties in feeling safe and secure in intimate relationships.
Are you ready to start your recovery? We are ready to help, to walk the steps with you.
Call us at 713-973-2800 or fill out the contact form on our website (www.houstondbtcenter.com). Schedule a free 15-minute consult on our website or ask us to call you. Let’s talk soon.