What is Traumatic Invalidation?

Did you know that most people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) have suffered trauma in their life, and particularly in their early years? And much of the trauma they experience includes traumatic invalidation or results from traumatic invalidation. If you are in treatment for BPD, then it’s likely that effective treatment needs to include treatment for trauma, including trauma from invalidation.

Traumatic invalidation is extreme or repetitive invalidation of individuals’ significant private experiences, characteristics identified as important aspects of themselves or reactions to themselves or to the world.” Linehan 2015 (page 304).

The following are a few of the behaviors that Melanie Harned has identified as experiences that can be traumatically invaliding:

Criticizing: Some examples of criticizing are being insulted, put down, mocked, or called names, or others criticizing your behavior, appearance, emotions or interests. Criticizing can also be when people say things intended to humiliate or belittle you. More specifically, being told you’re too sensitive or you’re acting like a baby (said with a sneer) would be criticizing in a way that can be traumatically invalidating. A racial slur could be traumatically invaliding. This sends a message to you that, “You’re bad, or you’re wrong,” for the way you think, act, feel or look.

Unequal treatment: Examples of unequal treatment include being treated as less than or different from others, being treated unfairly compared to others, being discriminated against based on your personal characteristics. Discrimination in terms of your sex, sexual orientation or race would be examples here too. The message is that you are inferior or inadequate.

Ignoring: When you are ignored, people act like you don’t exist, They don’t pay attention to your behavior or your words, or your emotions. They may not recognize special events or achievements in your life and they may not spend much time with you. You can be in their presence but their attention is elsewhere, perhaps on work, or a boyfriend/girlfriend, or drugs for example. The message here is that, “You don’t matter” and “You are not important.”

Emotional Neglect: Being neglected emotionally can be difficult to define. How do you know if you were emotionally neglected? In general it means not receiving care that you need, including not receiving love from others. It can also be when others tell you that you are supposed to feel a certain way or that you shouldn’t express distress. Statements like “If you don’t stop crying I’ll give you something to cry about,” show emotional neglect. You are being told not to express your feelings. The messages that emotional neglect send are that “You are unlovable, “ and “You do not deserve care.”

Excluding: When you are shunned by others or excluded from important events that should include you, that can be invalidating in a traumatic way. Being denied entry into valued social groups or being asked to leave such groups would be part of this type of invalidation. The message is that “You do not belong,” and “You are unwanted.”

Blaming: When you are blamed for things that aren’t your fault or wrongfully accused of “bad” behavior, then that can be invalidating. The messages is that “You cause problems,” and “You are a burden.”

When you have experienced traumatic invalidation that is recurrent and/or intense, then that experience can affect the way you view yourself and interact with others. You may not trust yourself to make good decisions, you may feel that you shouldn’t exist or that you are inherently bad. You may invalidate yourself and hate yourself, assume others don’t want to be around you, and expect rejection. You may also ignore your own needs and think you aren’t normal and should be different than you are.

If you are ready to work on recovering from traumatic invalidation, we have options for you. Our Trauma Team includes experts in DBT-PE, DBT-PTSD, ART, CPT, EMDR, Trauma Informed Yoga and more. We offer play therapy and EMDR for children.

Let’s work together for your recovery.